"Cat's in the Cradle"

"Chapin said the song was about his own relationship with his son, Josh, admitting, "Frankly, this song scares me to death.""

Spending time with our immediate family has always been a priority for us. We have always tried to include our kids in our activities, vacations as well as day-to-day activities. We aim to do things as a family and try and find activities we can all enjoy or activities that stimulate them in different ways. We strive to teach them about teamwork and the benefits of chipping in and working together to get tasks completed so we can head out on our latest adventure.

The problem with this team-focused, "family first" strategy is that not everyone wins.

In trying to keep that family bond strong and keep the family as a single smooth running machine, it can easily be forgotten that one-on-one time is so important in building relationships with our children. Family time just isn't enough.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon. "When ya comin' home son?" "I don't know when, we'll get together then, Dad, We're gonna have a good time then".

This topic reminds me of the song, "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin (later covered in the 1990's by the band Ugly Kid Joe), a song with a message that has resonated with me since I was a boy. The song tells the tale of a busy father neglecting his son as a result of being busy with work and other priorities. As time go on, the scenario changes and the grown son ends up neglecting his father as a result of his own busy life. By the end of the song, the father regretfully realizes his son turned out just like he was.

I vowed even before we had children, that I would make time for them, really get to know them and help them discover who they are and their passions in life. Help them to embrace life and celebrate who they are as individuals and also realize how they can contribute to make a difference in the world around them.

The other challenge (if you have more than a single child) is balancing time with each of your children to try and make sure they are getting what they need from you. To complicate matters further, all children are different and require varying levels of attention as well some can be very openly communicative of their need for attention while others, who may still want attention, may not ask for it.

Given all these factors, it can overwhelm even the most dedicated parents to figure out how to balance day to day lives with jobs, feeding, baths, etc. while still trying to fit in the quality time that your children really need. Some may say there just isn't enough time in the day...I always say if something is important, you will make time to do it, this is one of those things we should all make time for.

Below are some ideas that have worked for us in creating a stronger relationship with our children:

1. Find a common hobby you both can enjoy and can work on together. Activities such as wood working, mechanics, baking/cooking, biking, etc. or it can be something as simple as watching your favorite movies together or just time to talk;

2. Find a regular specified time period during the week where you and your child can bond and enjoy your one-on-one time together. If you don't carve out time, you will let it slide, life is a beast and it can devour your best intentions.

3. Make sure the time you spend with your child in your one-on-one time is time dedicated specifically to them. Do something in that period of time that makes them feel special...take them out for a treat, tell them how much you love spending time with them, make it special for them. It's the little things they will remember.

4. After your one-on-one time, make sure you reinforce how amazing it was to spend time with them and identify that you both will do it again next week at your specified time.

I want to be clear that one-on-one time is not time spent rushing to hockey practice or dance recitals, which is still time spent with your child, but actual quality time set aside specifically for you and your child. Don't be like the father in "Cat's in the Cradle" and end up regretting your actions later in life!

Today I spent the day with my son fixing up an old bicycle we bought for him. He wanted to upgrade to a big boy bike with gears and so we bought a used one that needed work so we could fix it up together. We could have bought a new one, but this allowed for bonding time to fix it up and work on it as a team. Even his big sister came out to help work on it for a while! The smile on his face when he rode it around the block brought tears to my eyes!

As a result of one-on-one interactions with your children, you will hopefully reap the rewards of a child that is more invested in spending time with you. Don't let the precious time you have with them slip away, they are worth the effort! Happy bonding!

Aaron